


you can’t wake up, this is not a dream

by secret_stargirl



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blade of Marmora Keith (Voltron), During Canon, How Do I Tag, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Keith (Voltron) Angst, Keith/Lance (Voltron) Angst, LM and JDS why, Lotor lurks too lmao, M/M, Mentions of Other Voltron Paladins, Not Canon Compliant, and you’re telling me lance wouldn’t lose it?, i wrote the scene i needed i hope i did it right, keith literally almost died in season four and we never talked about it, warning: excessive metaphors, wouldn’t fIND OUT AND ABSOLUTELY FREAK
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-11-05 00:37:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17908715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/secret_stargirl/pseuds/secret_stargirl
Summary: "Lance- he- he was going to fly his ship right into that barrier-“Inside his head, Matt’s voice replayed again and again, but he couldn’t make sense of the words. Keith couldn’t… Keith wouldn’t…But Keith would.aka, Lance finds out about Keith's near-death experience and is not pleased. Set somewhere after season 4. Slightly canon-divergent. Title from Halsey's "Gasoline" because you can fight me, that song is perfect for BOM Keith.





	you can’t wake up, this is not a dream

_“Lance- he- he was going to fly his ship right into that barrier-“_

Inside his head, Matt’s voice replayed again and again, but he couldn’t make sense of the words. Keith couldn’t… Keith wouldn’t…

But Keith would. That, Lance knew. He’d seen it in his eyes, dark and desperate when they locked with Lance’s as he turned to leave. Keith wasn’t leaving. He was already gone. And nothing Lance said would make a difference.

Keith was balancing on a cartoon tightrope connecting his Galran past and his life as a Paladin of Voltron, and as adept and athletic as the Red-no, wait, Black- no- _ugh_ \- Paladin was, it was only a matter of time until he toppled to one side. It had been a long time coming. Lance had tried to provide a safety net, but Keith had already fallen through the clouds.

“Thanks- _ahem_ \- thanks for telling me, man. I’ll just-" And he gestured aimlessly, arm flopping like the fish he remembered from back home. But the rebel seemed to understand, nodding jerkily and looking relieved.

“See you at the castle, yeah?” Not expecting an answer, Matt ended the call, leaving Lance alone to let it sink in as Red went on autopilot, sensing his pilot’s distraction with an unusual display of tact.

Perhaps for the first time ever, the former Blue Paladin didn’t marvel at the castleship’s alien (pun intended) beauty, docking in the hanger with uncharacteristic clunkiness.

And then it finally hit him.

 

* * *

 

“ ** _Where_ ** _is he?_ ” Lance stormed onto the bridge with all the force of a thunderous tsunami, eyes narrowed and fists clenched.

Eight heads spun towards him, two of them through shimmering holograms. As he took in the scene, Allura, Coran, and Shiro’s voices cut off. Hunk and Pidge sat, staring silently at… oh, _hell_ no.

Lotor stood in at the center of attention, all sly smirks and smarmy know-it-all, shampoo-commercial worthy attitude. Above him, Kolivan and Matt were visible on matching screens, the former placid as always and the latter hiding concern quite poorly.

Blinking away the horrific image of a dark haired someone, silently slumped over the controls of a tiny rebel ship drifting through space unbeknownst to his own teammates, his own family, Lance found it remarkably easy to disregard all of this.

“Where the-“ - he took a breath- “ ** _fuck_ ** is he?”

Mouths opened with nothing to say, and Kolivan was the first to raise his eyebrows in pure Galran fashion and state, as though he had forgotten that merely moments ago an angry teenage Cuban boy had ran in shouting expletives: “I assume you mean Keith; he has completed his section of the mission and is now returning to base.”

Lance scoffed in disbelief. “Are you serious?” This _cabrón_ thought it was all fine and dandy that Keith Kogane had almost killed himself and just went and sent him back to that creepy-ass base? No way. Not on Lance’s watch.  

Eyes flicked from one to the other as if watching an intriguing sparring match. Kolivan did not seem to judge him worthy of a reply, returning his attention to Allura. “As I was saying, Princess-“

“Nope. No, you don’t get to **_do_ ** that,” Lance snapped, voice rising. “And if I need to, I’ll fly the eff out there to get him myself, but he is coming here _now_ , one way or another.”

By now everyone in the room was standing, and Hunk had stepped forward, sure and sturdy as a mountaintop, confusion creasing his brow and concern lacing every word. “Lance, _hermano_ , what’s going on?”

Sucking in a breath, the boy in question forced the words out through gritted teeth, aware of the time ticking by. “It’s not... my place... to say. But Keith fricking Kogane had _better_ be here within thirty minutes-doboshes-ugh,whatever- or else me and Red are going to be vandalizing a certain top-secret base, got it?” A roar from the hangers seemed to back up his statement, and Lance waited.

Confusion, frustration, exasperation, even anger at his intrusion greeted him from all angles, but he didn’t back down, even as a trickle of guilt and shame washed over his rage. He had to say this. For Keith. “ _Got_ it?”

An intelligent pair of yellow eyes regarded him for a moment, scanning every one of his features and finding something there. They closed and opened methodically, and in due course, Kolivan appeared resigned. “All right, I shall tell him his new course of action is orders from the Red Palad-“

Lance barely concealed a wince. He wasn’t the Red Paladin, not _really_. That was Keith, the stupid, reckless, badass emo of the group.

“No. Tell him it’s from Lance.”

* * *

 

The moment Kolivan inclined his head and tapped away at his communicator, Lance headed for the doorway, avoiding the eyes of everyone but Matt. The two exchanged a glance, and then Lance was gone, his normally carefree stroll replaced with a robotic march to the hangers.

If he still knew the hothead at all, he was positive that Keith would dock his pod right where he had docked his lion- no, not Black (and here Lance sent a mental apology, if she could in fact hear him).

It was there that Lance waited, checking the time constantly, the ticking seeming to get louder and louder inside his head at each passing moment. There that he paced back and forth, boots clicking with a detached chill he hadn’t noticed before. There that he finally sat, wet eyes glazing over slightly as he concentrated on the glass separating him from the dark infinite void that was space- something that he had loved until now- when all he wanted was for that void to be filled, to disappear, to be taken over by an absolute paradox of a boy named Keith Kogane.

Lance let his head droop to his chest. Surely it had been thirty doboshes by now?

A screech sounded somewhere, but to Lance it was mere background noise in the song he was mentally composing to fit the heaviness currently sitting on his chest. That was it. Keith wasn’t coming.

 

* * *

 

A pair of dark-colored boots. A matching suit, meant to blend into the night, or maybe just to add to the aesthetic. (Lance had always thought the latter.) A glowing mask.

Keith.

Pushing himself to his feet unsteadily, Lance scanned him, borderline frantic.

It came out differently than he’d have liked. It was soft, gentle, honest, practically screaming of depth Lance didn’t want to share with anyone, of a swirling mass of emotions best left for late at night, where he could let his eyes rest on the dark metallic ceiling, put on Pidge’s headphones, and ignore it all.“Keith.” His voice cracked, and he swiped across his eyes, suddenly at a loss for words.

Keith was motionless, looking to the world as if he was an action figure fresh from the box.

“ _Keith._ ” Fists clenched, mouth a thin line, breath shallow, Lance had to hold himself back. He wanted to scream, to cry, to do anything to get rid of this awful stillness overtaking his- _his_ -Keith. “Are you- are you-“ No, that wasn’t right.

Taking a step closer, Lance examined him with an almost medical gaze. Keith was trembling, but in one piece. He was masked and hiding but he was here. Keith- yes, Blade Keith, but Keith nonetheless- was here.

When he was certain there wasn’t a scratch or scrape present, Lance focused on the boy in question. “Keith, come on.”

He gave no reply.

“Keith, _Jesús_ , this isn’t Halloween, take off the _d-damn_ mask.”

With an empty chuckle, the Blade swiped his fingertips into previously-hidden indents, and the sea of purple vanished, leaving behind only a set of violet eyes and a weak but oh-so-pretty smirk. “Haven’t heard you swear much before, McClain.”

The breath flew out of Lance’s chest. (Of course, he had never thought such a thing was possible- he had ridiculed the romance novels along with his siblings for saying so. So this moment came as a surprise. But it came anyway. Ice blue eyes meeting purple gemstone ones, relief palpable in the air. And as always, Lance’s mouth had to ruin it.) “You-you- are you _insane_?”

 

* * *

 

Keith couldn’t stop shaking. He’d sat inside that pod, floating aimlessly, numb and slow-moving, as if he was in an old black-and-white film playing at half speed for an overdone effect, disregarding all word from Kolivan until a brief message caught his attention. Specifically, one word brought him piloting at top speed from an unknown coordinate point somewhere in the cosmos toward the castle. _Lance_. Teammate, annoyance… friend? Now Keith was here, and there was a fifty-percent-chance said boy was about to throttle him. (His father, a brash gambling man with a sturdy hand, a pair of knowing eyes, and a faith Keith put little stock in, would not have liked those odds.) “I-what? No, I-“ He shifted his weight from foot to foot, wondering how long it would be until both feet gave out.

A dry, dark peal of laughter surprised him, and when Keith dared to glance up, it seemed that Lance’s eyes were much harder than he’d ever seen them, a whirlpool of emotion hidden beneath a sheet of ice frozen solid. “So you’re telling me that you coming up with a plan to go and get yourself killed is now considered sane behavior? Call Merriam-Webster, we’ve got a definition to change!”

Glaring with little heat as he pieced things together, Keith crossed his arms. “Ignore Matt. It’s- it’s not your business.” Leaning against the wall, breath rapid in realization, he appeared as though he was teetering upon a precipice and searching desperately for something to cling to.

And Lance was determined to be that something. “Yes it is! Oh boy, hey, hey, hey, you wanna sit down with me?” Voice coaxing and firm, he eased the other down beside him. “Look, Keith, I- I don’t know what to say. What-I-can you- _Dios mío_ , talk to me, man, okay? How could you think that was _okay_? What the _hell_ is wrong with your creepy ninja cult?”

Shoulders shuddered and Keith shrank into himself, eyes wide, as though he was only just understanding the gravity of the situation- an ironic turn of phrase when one was stuck in space. “I- I didn’t know what to do and if I didn’t do something in time you would _all_ die and I- I care about you too much and I’m just me, I’m expendable and it’s better it be me than all of you- you’re all I have and I can’t lose you all, I- I was going to die, Lance, oh god, I was going to die, I was about to, I-“

He heaved for breath, hugging himself helplessly and frantically trying to remove his suit, eyes darting about wildly like a caged animal, sobs rattling him to his core until, quite without warning, Keith found himself with a lap full of a teary Lance, who pulled him close as if he’d never let go, who held a boy he’d formerly called his rival with all the tender care in the universe- as if Keith was something precious and breakable and special and worth attending to-, who let him cry his heart out into a strong and lean chest, who noticed he was struggling and gave him room to breath for the first time since he’d glanced over his shoulder at his teammates and family for what could have been the last time, who calmed him down and pushed Keith’s hand toward Lance’s own heart and whispered _can’t you feel that, feel it, I’m alive, you’re alive, I’m okay, you’re okay, we’re going to be okay_ , who placed his hands on Keith’s shoulder and held him at eye level as if these were the most important words yet spoken in the history of galaxies. “God, Keith, no, no, _no,_  how can you- you’re not expendable at all, god no, do you know how we’d feel if we lost you? It would wreck us all, _dios,_ Keith, we can’t lose you either, please, please, never do that again, we can fix it, we can find another way but this is never, _ever_ the answer, ever, you hear me? We love you, _Jesús_ …”

Keith shook his head, face pale and eyes glassy. “I can’t, it’s mission over individual-“

“Then **_damn_ ** the mission, Keith! You’re- you’re more important, do you have any idea?” Lance shouted, tear tracks staining his cheeks. “You matter! You matter to us- to _me._ ” On the final word, his voice shattered, eyes like shards of ice thawing out in springtime saying so much more.

Keith was speechless. “Lance-“

“Leave the Blades, Keith,” and now Lance’s voice was soft and raw and broken, in the way soldiers feel in the moment just before they die, when they stare down the barrel of a gun or the countdown of a bomb or the silent second-delay of a grenade, when they believe everything is hopeless but give it their all anyhow. “Please, man, you gotta get out. This-this isn’t how things are meant to be. You can’t keep doing this. Leave the Blades. They’ve been around for ages, they’d be fine. You can have Red back, I’ll, I’ll step down, or join the rebels, or we can copilot, or, _god_ , anything. Just. Please. Come back. You’re _too_ valuable. You’re _too_ important, alright?”

Struck dumb, Keith Kogane found himself at a total loss. “I-“

“Just. Think about it?”

Keith was nodding before he could stop himself, a trembling smile cutting through the clouds as this boy with sad eyes and determination painting his features kept him close, pressed the palms of his hands into Keith’s back as if he alone could carry him to safety and collect every piece that had chipped off along the way. And Keith realized as he whispered _okay, I’ll stay,_  as he laced their fingers together and nodded, unshed tears still blurring his vision- he hadn’t fallen. Still swaying atop a precipice, perhaps, or crossing a tightrope, but Lance’s hand was tight in his, a rope tethering him to safety, and Keith took that as a whisper in the night, a vision of calm waters ahead, a promise of never letting go.

**Author's Note:**

> wassup! first fic posted! I hope you enjoyed my take on the scene we never got! i wrote this over the course of a few hours lmao!  
> if you’d like, let me know what you thought in the comments! loved it? hated it? think i abuse italics? tell me! i love to talk trust me 
> 
> alrighty imma go but thanks for reading! xoxo


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